NO ANGEL BUT A GOOD GIRL NEVA THE LESS

One of my homeboys told me "You know Trice', when you die, you goin' straight to heaven. You know why? Kuz your a good clean hearted person. You never killed nobody, never manipulated anyone, never caused anyone harm, you've always helped those that needed it, no matter what they have done to you, and your just a good person, the kind God likes and looks forward to having in his kingdom."

I actually thought about it and said to myself 'hmm he maybe right.' But I know within self that I am by a long shot without faults. I remember how when I first started out on life, how harsh I was to everyone around me...evil just plain evil. My lil 4ft tall tail runnin' stuff. Beatin up all the boys in the neighborhood who gave me or my brother a hard time. Making others lives miserable by bullying them just kuz I was small and had to prove that I was NOT to be pushed around. Callin heavy people names, ugly people worse names, and sassy flipped mouth on top of it all.

You would think that when I ended up in the hospital in a coma losing half my hearing after, I would've learned my lesson....well it slowed me down a bit, but after the divorce of my parents, it picked right back up, only this time much worse. I began breaking in peoples houses, stealing cars, bustin peoples head open and sending them to the hospital for stitches and black eyes. Swearing like there was no other language and pretty much just became an all around ass.

Becoming the only girl of "the crew" brought all that to a halt because the homies wouldn't let me do anything without them there 2 protect me. Wasn't any violence going on any more, the car thieving ceased, confrontation was of no existence, I mean everything stopped because my homies were my protectors. They wouldn't even let me drank or smoke like they did. I miss my boys... but

Life moves on and we began to live our own lives. Men became a part of mine and trust became my worst enemy. I trusted everyone even ppl off the street. Trying to have a friend, wanting to feel needed and loved. Mom's was in her own world and I was the oldest with no guidance. No friends to lean on, no big sis or bro to "show me the ropes" all my homies were gone and it was just me. So after being, a sex slave, ran over, up in, manipulated, used, hurt, broke, broken, destroyed physically and mentally, I gave up trusting anybody and eventually became a loner.

Even now though, I still would be willing to help one in need if I could...but only with a long handled spoon, because I've realized that nothing in this world should matter more than God, your kids, and yourself. I've been to jail, I've done drugs, I've sold drugs, I've done things that may have been unforgivable, but, I've never cheated, never killed, never purposely put any one in harms way, never sold my body or anyone else's and never ever sold my soul. So I may not be an angel by far but, I do know I'm a good girl nevertheless.